7 Tips On How To Have Better Communication With Your Partner

small__85508379257 Tips on How to have better communication with your partner
Do you feel that it’s important to have a relationship with your partner where you are heard and understood? But is the reality more like a ‘dialogue of the deaf’?
If it’s the latter, let’s see how an assertive approach to communication can help improve the quality of your interactions with your partner.
Win: win relationships
One of the basic tenents of assertion is that you have your own needs and wants as does your partner. These are legitimate even if they are different. Your own needs must be given some priority so that as a fulfilled person you can be in a position to be more generous with your partner and others around you. Some of the irritation and dissatisfaction in a relationship stems from the fact that one or both of you are not getting what you think you need, or what you think you should be getting. And the paradox here is that it is hard to get what you want unless you first sow the seeds of giving. (Win:Win)
Patterns of behaviour
Your needs and wants do not suddenly materialise mysteriously from out of the ether or by a sprinkling of fairy dust but by building solid and reliable communication with your partner. You live your life by creating patterns – you might call them habits – these help you live your lives on ‘automatic’ so that you are not paralysed by having to make thousands of decisions a minute.
Not all patterns are helpful – you need to consider: what is the pattern that has built up between you and your partner? If the pattern is not working for you, here are a few simple tips that you can use to break up any unhelpful patterns:
1.    Eye contact – make eye contact with your partner to show interest in them and to gauge interest in what you are saying to them.
2.    Choose your time – avoid enticing distractions – engaging your partner just before their favourite TV programme is coming on is probably not the best way to guarantee their attention
3.    Recognise their emotional position – recognise where each of you is emotionally. Your partner or you may be stressed about something and you may have to deal with this before launching into your own topic.
4.    Choose your attitude – Take a moment to think through ‘how you want to be’. Stay away from being non-assertive, rambling on, beating around the bush and hinting at what you want instead. Be assertive clear and direct.
5.    Don’t treat conversations as a power game where you need to win and invariably be right?
6.    Own your own feelings and take ownership for your negative feelings with phrases such as, ‘I feel really angry when you….rather than make your partner feel defensive, verbally attacking them with phrases like, ‘you made me so angry’, ‘you’re always doing that’ and so on.
7.    Listen & ask questions – Who’s doing the most talking in your relationship, who’s doing the most listening, who’s seeking the other  person’s point of view? In the ‘me’ culture of today we believe that when we are talking we are being the most influential and convincing.  Whereas you’re likely to influence your partner much more when you genuinely listen to them, ask their point of view and are open to hear their perspective on things.
How to have better communication with your partner is dependent on these things.
photo credit: LyndaSanchez via photopin cc

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