In helping others to stand up to Bullies you need to remind them of the following:
– Bullying only continues if it’s allowed to continue
– The bully’s behaviour will not change unless the behaviour of the person being bullied changes
So what is it that your son/daughter/partner/friend is doing or not doing that allows the bully to continue? The answer to this question may go some way to resolving the problem.
Then help them to consider their Rights i.e.
They have a right to be treated with respect
They have a right to look after themselves physically and emotionally
They have a right to deal with others without being dependent on them for approval
They have the right to be the judge of their own self worth
They have a right to express anger constructively
They have a right to say ‘No’ and refuse unreasonable requests
They have the right to seek help from a higher authority
Below are some of the things they need to say to themselves in order to support their behaviour:
‘When I stand up to them it can lead to an increase in my self esteem’
‘Their aggression is triggered by some trauma i.e.lack of love/lack of control/insecurity in their life’
‘If their don’t like me, it’s ok’
‘I can ask for help from others who have the power to make changes’
‘I can say ‘No’ and give my reasons why’
‘I can stay calm and state my position’
They need to choose a mantra – something that they can repeat again and again to themselves as a way of reinforcing their assertive behaviour – you can help them discover what this mantra needs to be. They need to right it down and carry it with them at all times.
You then need to role-play with them a future scenario where you play the role of the bully. The more you can step into the ‘role’ to help your son/daughter/partner/friend practise, the more likely you are to reinforce the new behaviours they need to adopt.
Watch their body language and encourage them to:
– Stand or sit upright with both feet on the ground
– Breath deeply
– Stretch the palms of their hands to relax themselves
– Pause to consider what’s being said by the bully
– Make eye contact with the bully
– Use the bully’s name
– End their sentences in a lower tone of voice
It’s a very lonely place to be – when you’re being bullied. Just knowing that you are supported by another, can provide the motivation to succeed and stand up to bullies.