Is Your Partner A Devil Or An Angel?

small_11875360Everyone has an evil twin or partner. Some times it is as though we hear the voices of two little people perched on our shoulder: the devil and the angel.

The angel supports you with positive thoughts emphasising what you can do, and whispering calm, confident thoughts about possibility and potential. “You can do this, it may be a stretch you’ve done similar things before, you have succeeded in the past, with thought and commitment you can do so again etc”
It is the creative empowering part of you, inviting you to think beyond your frailties and concentrate on your capabilities and strengths.

It’s purpose is to protect you, keep you safe and nurture your development.

The devil, the other voice, is full of self doubt and admonition.
“You can’t do that you’d be a fool to try; look what happened last time; told you you’d be no good at it, you’re not clever enough, you’re not good enough, take the easy option etc”.  It concentrates on your failings and fears and prohibits you from taking risks.
This voice hustles for control and wants to drown out the angel so you can realise what can go wrong, what you can’t do. It plays on your anxieties.

It’s purpose is to protect you, keep you safe and from harm.

Have you ever experienced that? Which one wins?
We call these voices our Inner Dialogues.

Donoma’s story
There is an old North American Indian tale about a revered chief, Donoma. Every night, he would gather the young braves together to educate them about their heritage, and the path of the Indian brave.
“Sometimes”, he said, “there will be a part of you that wants to do well and you will be full of your own strength and wisdom – you will be in the grip of white bear for he is strong and is good.
And other times you will doubt yourself, be fearful and will want to give up for you are in the hold of the brown bear for he is strong as well.

And through all the suns and moons of your life the white and brown bear will be with you. Each seeks to be in control, each is at each others’ throat, fighting to the death.

Sometimes brown bear will be stronger and you will bend to his will and other times white bear will be in control and you will follow his path. And they will fight with each constantly.
One moment white bear is on top and is the stronger of the two driving the brown bear down into submission.
Other times the brown bear is in the ascendancy and forcing the white bear to submit and yield. And the struggle goes on.”

One of the braves stood up with a confused and quizzical look and asked, “which bear is stronger and which one wins in the end?”
The old chief drew himself up to his full height …… after a lengthy pause he said “It is hard to tell my son because it all depends on which one you feed”

Sometimes we talk ourselves into things and sometimes we talk ourselves out of things. Sometimes we talk ourselves up but most of the time we talk ourselves down. These are the two twins, the devil or angel, the white bear or brown bear.

Manage the devil and encourage the angel
Fear not, there’s lots of help available to you in our videos http://howtobeassertive.com/video-series/

 

One Response to “Is Your Partner A Devil Or An Angel?”

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  1. Subhash Muneshwar says:

    very captivating story and so true. It is upto the individual whether he feeds on positive or negative. However it is not easy to stay positive without being persistent in our choices of the positive.

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